east coast photos are online!

Just a quick note to say that our photos from the east coast of America are now on flickr. Hooray! Niall is busy uploading them to Facebook as I type this, so you can also catch them there.

Next up is the rest of the US - and we've already sorted most of them out, so it won't be too much longer. Besides, we're unemployed bums, so we have plenty of time on our hands.

south east asian online driving school

We didn’t want to hire a car while in Asia for fear of actually having to drive on the roads here. That fear was well placed. There are road rules here, but they are generally ignored. People here follow conventions, the rules are irrelevant.

If you want to survive any kind of encounter with the road here, you have to learn these local idioms. So here is what we have observed, purely as outsiders.

vietnam – it’s all about the motor cycle

• Fear is weakness. When you are crossing the road, you must show supreme confidence. You must put in mind that you are more threat to the motor cycles than they are to you. The weak do not cross roads here, they stare longingly at the other side.
• There is no good time to cross the road. There will never be a gap. This actually means that there is no bad time to cross the road – just do it without delay. Part the flow of motor cycles like the red sea and try to subdue your screams as much as possible. Closing your eyes may seem like a good idea, but you have to watch out for cars. They don’t dodge.
• Roads intersect without traffic lights or stop signs. If you’re riding and come to an intersection, honk your horn a lot and ride straight out into the middle of traffic. This is a good time to stop for conversation with the rider next to you. Continue to the other side at your convenience. Sending text messages is a good way to pass time while you’re riding.
• Motorcycles are the best means of transport for bulky goods. Cars will never fit through the traffic. If you have a large fish  tank or twenty live ducks to ship, a motorcycle is what you want.
• Three’s only a crowd on a bike if the fridge you’re carrying is taking up too much seat room.

cambodia – dancing roads abound with music and snow

• Dancing road, noun: A road so riddled with potholes that passengers in vehicles are jiggled around like numbered balls in a lottery globe.
• Cambodian music: Car horns. Cambodians prefer choirs to solo performances, and admire strong voices.
• Cambodian snow: Dust from the dirt roads. After a motor bike trip, the creases in my clothes had left an interesting pattern of clean and filthy on my shirt and shorts. If you need to take a hand off the handholds to remove dust from your eye, leave one hand on the bar.
• If you are interested in becoming a public bus driver in Cambodia, we have a few recommendations. The horn is a sign of your virility. Use it often. Honk anything that moves. Honk anything that looks like it might move. Do not deny your own passengers the joy of your horn – install it backwards so that it honks into the bus. And remember, there is no wrong side of the road. There is only the side all the traffic is on, and the side you are on.

thailand

• Speed ruthlessly, at least 20kph over the limit. If you are a taxi or minivan driver, only deign to go this slow if you spice it up by not having your hands on the wheel. Otherwise kick it up at least another 20kph. Bonus points if you can get air going over bumps in the road.

laos

• The car operates best under either hard braking or hard acceleration. If traffic forces you to maintain a constant speed, approximate this as best you can by quickly alternating between braking and accelerating.
• Cars are like stubborn cattle. Subtlety in steering is lost on them, so herd them around corners with vigorous swings on the steering wheel.
• If you are a minivan driver and attempting a land speed record between Luang Prabang and Vang Vieng, it is crucial to remember that air conditioning is a serious drain on engine power. Refuse steadfastly to turn it on, only relent if a gang of angry Spanish women yell at you. Subdue such rebellions by having as few openable windows in the van as possible – heat makes people lethargic.

Across all countries here remember that using the indicator shows you don’t know what you are doing. Other drivers on the road will lose respect for you and you will find it hard to get where you want to go. Put yourself in their way and force them to slow and avoid you. This also works well for pedestrians.

And here are a couple of photos to help you understand best practice when on the road in the region.

how to cross the road in Hanoi

how not to cross the road in Hanoi

how to transport boxes around the city (you can just see the leg of the rider in front of the boxes)

there’s always room for one more in Ho Chi Minh city

turning left across traffic in a cyclo

you can move anything on a bike

delightful 70s era curtains in the Vang Vieng –> Vientiane “VIP” bus

all VIP buses have air con. On good ones like ours, they even leave the door open the whole way to really get the breeze through.